Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12
Results 11 to 18 of 18

Thread: English funny stories!!(continuouss)

  1. #11
    Thành viên danh dự utcung_nhome's Avatar
    Join Date
    28/07/07
    Posts
    1,383

    Default

    A new trick

    The conjurer was arranging a new stage trick, and on the day before its introduction he asked his young son to help him.
    “When I ask for a boy to come on the stage, you must come at once. But you must not do anything or say anything that will make the audience think that you know me.”
    The boy said he understood everything and when the conjurer asked for help, he came forward quickly and was invited on the stage. When he got there, the conjurer said:
    “Look at this boy! He has never seen me before, have you, my boy?”
    “No, father!” answered the boy.

    The office rules
    Bill Jenkins worked in a big office in the city, and generally he used to go to the barber’s during working hours to have his hair cut, although this was against the rules: clerks had to have their hair cut in their own time.
    While Bill was at the barber’s one day, the manager of the office came in by chance to have his own hair cut. Bill saw him and tried to hide his face, but the manager came and sat beside him, so he soon recognized him.
    “Hullo, Jenkins,” the manager said. “I see that you are having your hair cut in office time,”
    “Yes, sir, I am,” admitted Bill calmly. “You see, sir, it grows in office time.”
    “Not all of it,” said the manager of the office at once. “Some of it grows in your own time.”
    “Yes, sir, that’s quite true” answered Bill politely, “but I’m not having it all cut off.”(He's very intelligent)


    Why put off until tomorrow what you can do today?

  2. #12
    Thành viên danh dự utcung_nhome's Avatar
    Join Date
    28/07/07
    Posts
    1,383

    Default

    Never Refuse Anything


    A clerk in a miscellaneous store was serving a caller. The manager was at a desk some distance away, but he overheard the clerk say : "No, madam, we haven't had any for a long time." "Oh, yes, we have," interrupted the manager; "I will send to the warehouse immediately and have some brought for you."

    The lady went out laughing. The manager turned to the clerk : "Never refuse anything; always sent out for it."

    "Well, you see," replied the clerk, "she said to me, "We haven't had any rain lately."

    To Be Drunk Is A Disgrace


    On a pleasant Sunday afternoon an old German and his youngest son were seated in the village inn. The father had partaken liberally of the beer, and was warning his son against the evils of intemperance.
    "Never drink too much, my son. A gentleman stops when he has enough. To be drink is a disgrace."
    "Yes, Father, but how can I tell when I have enough or I am drunk ?"
    The old man pointed with his finger.
    "Do you see those two men sitting in the corner. If you should see four men there, you would know that you were drunk."
    The boy looked long and earnestly. After a time, in puzzled tones, he said :
    "Yes, Father, but - but - there is only one man in that corner."


    Why put off until tomorrow what you can do today?

  3. #13
    Sinh viên năm nhất bebi's Avatar
    Join Date
    15/08/08
    Tuổi
    33
    Posts
    35

    Default

    Want a day off work?

    So you want a day off. Let's take a look at what you are asking for. There are 365 days per year available for work.


    There are 52 weeks per year in which you already
    have 2 days off per week, leaving 261 days available for work. Since
    you spend 16 hours each day away fron work, you have used up 170 days,
    leaving only 91 days available. You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee
    break which counts for 23 days each year, leaving only 68 days
    available. With a 1 hour lunch each day, you used up another 46 days,
    leaving only 22 days available for work. You normally spend 2 days per
    year on sick leave. This leaves you only 20 days per year available for
    work. We are off 5 holidays per year, so your available working time is
    down to 15 days. We generously give 14 days vacation per year which
    leaves only 1 day available for work and I'll be darned if you are
    going to take that day off!

  4. #14
    Sinh viên năm nhất bebi's Avatar
    Join Date
    15/08/08
    Tuổi
    33
    Posts
    35

    Default

    Did you understand me?

    The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.

    Working at a theater box-office ticket window poses many challenges in dealing with people.


    When a disgruntled customer at a window exclaimed, "No Tickets?" What do you mean NO TICKETS?"


    The women waiting on him smiled sweeting. "I'm terribly sorry, sir," she replied. "Which word didn't you understand?"

  5. #15
    Sinh viên năm nhất bebi's Avatar
    Join Date
    15/08/08
    Tuổi
    33
    Posts
    35

    Default

    WILL YOU DESCRIBE THE GAME?

    A wife was angry with her husband who had a frivolous nature. She asked him:
    - Where were you last night? You didn\'t get home until near 2:00am. Do you think I don\'t know?
    The husband quickly defended himself:
    - I went out to watch the Football Match next door. Alas! You know, England beat Germany 4 to 1. Oh how beautiful it was.
    The wife knew very well the kind of story her husband would tell.
    - Really? So, you will describe the game to me, won\'t you?

    Famous people

    One evening, Mrs. Alda asked her husband to take her to a very expensive restaurant in the city, because a lot of movie starts and other famous people ate there, and she was curious to see some of them.
    Soon after Mr. and Mrs. Alda had ordered their meal, a very attractive man and a woman came into the restaurant and sat down at a table nearby. They were beautiful dressed, and Mrs. Alda said to her husband, “Look at those people, George! I’m sure I’ve seen their pictures somewhere.”
    The man and the woman gave their order to the waiter, and when he brought Mr. and Mrs. Alda their soup, Mrs. Alda said to him,
    “Who are those people? Do you know them?”
    “Oh, they’re nobody famous,” he answered at once.
    “Really?” Mrs. Alda asked with surprise. “How do you know that?”
    “Because they asked me who you were,” he answered.

  6. #16
    Thành viên danh dự utcung_nhome's Avatar
    Join Date
    28/07/07
    Posts
    1,383

    Default

    I didn’t want to walk home

    Mrs Brown’s old grandfather lived with het and her husband. Every morning he went for a walk in the park and came home at half past twelve for his lunch.
    But one morning a police car stopped outside Mrs Brown’s house at twelve o’clock, and two policemen helped Mr Brown to get out. One of them said to Mrs Brown.
    “The poor old gentleman lost his way in the park and telephoned to us for help, so we sent a car to bring him home.”
    Mrs Brown was very surpirsed, but she thanked the policemen and they left.
    “ But, Grandfather,” she then said, “you have been to that park nearly every day for twenty years. How did you lose your way there?”
    The old man smiled, closed one eye and said, “I didn’t quite lose my way. I just got tired and I didn’t want to walk home!”


    Why put off until tomorrow what you can do today?

  7. #17
    Thành viên danh dự utcung_nhome's Avatar
    Join Date
    28/07/07
    Posts
    1,383

    Default

    Grass


    One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
    “Why are you eating grass?”, he asked one man.
    “We don’t have any money for food,” the poor man replied.
    “Oh, come along with me then.”
    “But sir, I have a wife with two chirlden!”
    “Bring them along! And you, come with us too!”, he said to the other man.
    “But sir, I have a wife with six children!” the second man answered.
    “Bring them as well!”
    They all climbed inton the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limo. Once underway, one of the poor fellows says,
    “Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.”
    The lawyer replied, “No problem, the grass at my home is about two feet tall.”


    Why put off until tomorrow what you can do today?

  8. #18
    Sinh viên năm hai MissCindy's Avatar
    Join Date
    10/03/09
    Location
    Đà Nẵng City
    Posts
    71

    Default

    LIKE FATHER LIKE SON

    Ted had just returned from college, resplendent in extr awide trousers, silk hoslery , a fancy waistcoat, and smart necktie.

    He entered the library where his father was reading. The old gentleman looked up and surveyed his son. The longer he looked, the more disgusted he come. "Son", he finally said. "You look like a damned fool!"

    Later, the old Major who lived next door came in and greeted the boy heartily "William", he said with undisguised admiration, "you look exactly like your father did twenty five years ago when he came back from college!"

    "Yes", replied William with a smile, "So father was just telling me".




    CHA NÀO CON NẤY


    Ted vừa từ trường Cao đẳng về, lộng lẫy với quần ống thật rộng, sơ mi lụa, áo gi-llê kiểu cách và chiếc cà vạt đỏm dáng. Cậu vào phòng đọc sách: cha cậu đang đọc. Ông giá quý phái ngẩng lên, chăm chú quan sát cậu quý tử. Càng nhìn lâu ông càng thấy tởm. Cuối cùng ông nói: "Này, mày trôn gnhư thằng chất toi nào đấy!"

    Lát sau. Thiếu tá già gần nhà bước vào, vồn vã chào hỏi cậu con trai. Cụ nói với giọng hâm mộ không cần che giấu: "Cháu trông giống y hệt cha cháu hai muơi lăm năm trước hồi ông ấy ở cao đẳng về, William ạ.

    Ted mỉm cuời đáp: "Vâng ạ! Cha cháu cũng vừa bảo như thế đấy!.

Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12

Similar Threads

  1. funny bóng đá
    By quantieuphu1102 in forum Audio & Clip Hài
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 12/10/12, 10:59 AM
  2. Học tiếng anh qua những đoạn Video funny
    By MissCindy in forum Ngoại ngữ chuyên ngành
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 16/03/09, 06:42 PM
  3. Funny Fortune-Telling
    By Thuychick in forum Ngoại ngữ chuyên ngành
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 12/12/08, 11:14 PM
  4. English funny stories!!
    By maiyeu2307 in forum Ngoại ngữ chuyên ngành
    Replies: 33
    Last Post: 23/08/08, 10:44 AM
  5. English - Tại sao học?
    By haibkdn in forum Ngoại ngữ chuyên ngành
    Replies: 17
    Last Post: 09/05/07, 10:43 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •